I met Bella during my training to become an Educational Therapist and I immediately fell for her toothy grin and earnest laugh.
Bella and I shared more than I ever expected. She had experienced significant challenges and loss very early in life, and parts of her story felt remarkably familiar to me. I understood some of the fear and uncertainty she carried because I had experienced those feelings in my own childhood, too. Maybe that’s why our connection felt so immediate.
Bella’s adoptive parents are loving, caring, bubbly, professional individuals. Yet Bella was still struggling with a number of transitions that most would deem too complicated for a young mind to fully comprehend. Her biracial background kept her from fully understanding the scope of her cultural identity, and the early abandonment she experienced at the hands of her birth mother was clearly making her transition from one family to another even tougher.
Most days, Bella would bring her favorite, ragged doll to our sessions; this doll was essentially a fifth limb, as she was faithfully by Bella’s side at the park, at each of her swim lessons, during bath time, and tucked in by her side every night.
When, during our sessions, I watched Bella become overwhelmed with the grip of anxiety, I worked to coax her out of the hole she dug into her subconscious, the one that existed in her mind yet still left her as trapped as she would have been behind physical bars. Despite the challenges she faced as a small child dealing with these bouts of anxiety, she took to my coaching with the smile that had come to define my memory of her. There were so many techniques and tools I brought to her attention, each with an element of playfulness and fun that captured her attention in a way that only young children can truly appreciate. I watched as Bella learned how to ease her anxiety and just breathe! One day, Bella arrived at our session, trembling from the tears spilling down her cheeks. She laid down in my office, and I reached for Bella’s beloved doll. “Take a look at your doll, Bella,” I said while placing it on her chest. “She is going to fall off!” Bella curiously looked at her doll. “Together let’s teach your doll to stay on your chest. To do that, we must be take deep, slow breaths. Here, let me show you.”
We took slow, deep breaths. Together.
Very soon, Bella was able to relax and I saw that same smile creep back onto her face. We talked about how placing her doll on her chest is a way to comfort her.
A few weeks later, Bella arrived at session with a whole new range of emotions. With all of the strength she required to keep her anger in check, it was often too much for her to control. When she walked into my office seething, I could see it was time for a new kind of coaching. I pulled a bottle of bubble mix out of my desk drawer and began blowing bubbles. “Go ahead, Bella,” I told her. “Go ahead and kick those bubbles. Show them how you feel. “By blowing the bubbles, she began breathing deeper, easing her anger, while at the same time harmlessly kicking and punching out her anger on the bubbles. By allowing her to express her anger in such a way, I was able to teach her that feeling and experiencing anger is not wrong; the important lessons she began to grasp were that the importance lies in how she harnessed that anger and dealt with it in as healthy a way as possible.
Each and every Bella out there inspires me to be a better person, and reminds me that I have chosen this path as a way to help shape the lives of those who need that extra love and reinforcement. Bella has morphed into more than most four-year-olds can expect to be; she is an emblem of higher purpose, she has become the symbol of my dream job, and she continues to be the founding flag for what I know has become a key purpose in my life.
Bella may have been one little girl I worked with years ago, but what she taught me never left. Children don’t always need another adult telling them what to do. Sometimes they need someone willing to step into their world and help them discover what they’re capable of.
That’s why Bella is still here. It’s more than the name of my business. It’s a reminder of the little girl who helped shape the way I help children and parents today.
About Loretta
Loretta is the founder of Bella Coaching, where she helps parents and children navigate big feelings, build confidence, and grow stronger through creative, play-based strategies.